Ok, so there are a few different things we are going to tackle here today in this little (not so little) bite-sized Self Help article.
First of all – shout out to everyone over on Instagram who sent in the challenges they were facing in their lives that they needed assistance with. This topic had an overwhelming number of ‘YES PLEASE!’, so here we are! If we’re not connected yet – head here.
If you’d like, you can just head right to the bottom of this (unsurprisingly lengthy!) article and read my Top THREE Tips for Living a Purposeful Life, but…. If you really want to make a lasting change, read on and understand the reasons behind WHY we feel the way we feel.
If you’re anything like I was, you might feel like you are auto-piloting your way through life, having somehow landed in the place you’re in, as if someone plucked you straight from your Mumma’s womb and blindfolded you until you arrived where you are, looking around and blinking in the bright lights, ‘How the fuck did I get here?!’…
Or maybe you’re someone who has pursued everything, reaching the ‘top of the game’ only to wake up without fulfillment in your heart. Maybe you’re someone who is okay and content with the things happening around you, but you know you’re not there. Do you look in the mirror and see someone who you don’t recognize anymore? Maybe you just know there is more out there for you, that surely this can’t just be it? Born, school, university, career, family, die. UGH!
I used to walk around thinking it was normal to feel unfulfilled, excited only temporarily by things that money could buy or waiting for a like on social media, living through others who were ‘creating’ their lives (be careful who you follow – some realities are not reality at all!). Man am I glad those days are over!!!!
So you’ve landed here. You’re wondering WHAT NOW? WHAT NEXT? HOW THE F*CK DO I KNOW WHAT I AM SUPPOSED TO DO, AND WHO I AM SUPPOSED TO BE IN LIFE?!
Well, luckily we’ve met. And I’m about to go full on ‘honesty attack’ on yo’ ass. I don’t know why I embody a gangster when I’m passionate about things, but let us run with that… ANYWAY. Let’s get this party started.
Before I launch into this, I ask one thing of you. I ask that you read the following with an open mind. Yes, even you in the corner! I ask that you allow, for one moment in time, complete non-judgment and non-attachment. Simply allow the words to enter your mind as you read, and from there – the heart will take the lead.
By the end of this blog post, your entire life may change. Or, it may not. The fun thing is… As always…. Your reality is up to you, and SURPRISE! You alone.
Got a cup of coffee ready? A tea? Wine? Tequila shot? Things are about to get REAL.
WHY YOU ARE LACKING PURPOSE RIGHT NOW
Here’s a ticket to your journey.
Let us go one, five, twenty – whatever – years back to the last time you remember feeling in the flow. To the last time, that you remember feeling good, fulfilled, excited.
Maybe you were promoted. Maybe you were in a new relationship. Perhaps you traveled somewhere stunning, or maybe you got a really cool and exciting new opportunity. Maybe you bought a new car. MAnd that is fantastic!
But what do all of those things have in common?
Here’s a really good time to remember what we discussed earlier; Keep an open mind.
I’ll ask again – what do those all have in common?
OK, slow down – I can hear the ego backfiring already!
‘Jacqui, what do you mean they are temporary? I’m still in the job I was promoted to, I still have my memories from traveling, I still have that car!! How can these things be temporary?!’
Settle lassie, I will explain.
Though the objects/memories/humans may not be physically temporary, the GRATITIFICATION behind the experience most certainly is.
The feeling of elation, of pride, of ‘working hard and it has paid off’ – it becomes part of life again. Things adjust around these experiences, and your emotions become a little more relaxed about it, for you are no longer working toward it – it is here now for you to enjoy. Are you with me?
Our human mind is conditioned by external factors like society and our upbringing to believe that success and purpose lie in achievement. That success and purpose lie in ‘getting’ and ticking off a prescribed checklist. Our human mind (ego!) wants us to compete and find weak fulfillment through external satisfaction. So even though we may be really happy with what we’ve achieved – a lot of that is externally motivated and comes from a place of wanting to achieve for others (whether it be to support our family or to be seen as something in particular to society) as opposed to achieving for ourselves (this is the main pillar in living a purposeful life, discussed below!).
Take that a little deeper for a second; did you buy a new iPhone because you truly wanted one and it called to your soul, or because everyone else had one and it was ‘cool’? Did you apply for the job because it paid way more than your current one, or did it light up some freakin’ insane fireworks inside you when you thought about living in that role?! Are you driving that car because it was what other people told you would be the best choice? Or is it because you truly LOVE it?!
Do you see what I am getting at?
So MANY people out there are walking around with mental checklists of ‘yes, I’ve done this, now I can be happy’ but don’t experience the actual happiness that comes with that, because it isn’t aligned with who they TRULY are and what they TRULY want in every moment, but instead it is based on external validation.
SO – let’s start moving into what you’re all here for.
MY TOP THREE TIPS FOR LIVING A PURPOSE FILLED LIFE.
Before we go deep here – let me clarify what it means to me when I am living with purpose or following something that gives me purpose. It means that deep fire inside me… That ancient knowing, the feeling of lightning in my body, the knowledge that in a perfect world, I would do whatever ‘that’ is for free because it gives me so much joy and fulfillment.
- SHOCK WARNING: YOU (probably) ALREADY KNOW
A lot of people freak out when I bring this up because it is really hard for our ego-fuelled minds to admit that we may have let ourselves down. Surely, if we knew our purpose, we would have acted on it, right? WRONG.
I can guarantee that almost everyone reading this has, at one point or another, had an inspired moment (or 500) where they felt aligned and inspired, sparks flying in all directions… But they didn’t act on it. Choose your excuse, but fear is probably the leading one.
SO – here is the remedy.
Think about an ideal world, just for a moment – one without fear, without judgment, without worry about ANYTHING – all the money and time was available to you. How would you spend your time? What would you do? How would you contribute to the world?
Maybe you’ve always wanted to be a child psychologist, or a baker, or a matchstick maker – deep down when you’ve eaten through all of the fear and scarcity….. You know. You’ve always known.
- GET CLEAR ON WHAT IT IS YOU ACTUALLY WANT, AND THEN TAKE ACTION
Do you want to tend to your rose garden more, but you’re finding yourself without time? WHY? Where is your time being stolen, and by whom?
Stop. Just stop. I don’t care about the excuses – Sorry, but I don’t. If you want to live a purpose-filled life, you’ve got to start understanding WHY you’re not already there. As detailed in the pre-tip spiel above, the main reason is that you’ve been living for other people. Whether you’ve been scared to let someone down scared of what others might think or felt like you’re in a dead end because ‘everyone depends on you’ – you’ve been living for others.
So right now – what is ONE THING that you can stop TOLERATING in your life in order to allow more time, energy or resources to focus on living into something that gives you a sense of purpose? If you’re in a relationship, what activities are you spending time/energy on that might fulfill your partner, but not you? Where can you compromise? If you’re single, where are you wasting your own time?
- MINDSET, MINDSET, MINDSET
If you can choose to change JUST THIS today, I promise you that you will begin feeling a way deeper sense of happiness and fulfillment that you are now.
Here’s how.FIND THE BEAUTY IN EVERYTHING, AND UNDERSTAND THAT OUR PURPOSE IS IN EVERYTHING!!!!!!Yes, even when you’re stuck in the middle of a traffic jam and you’re late for work… You’re going to be late anyway, so screaming and shouting and getting yourself into a right mess ain’t going to help you nothing (there’s that gangster again!). So, why not take a breath, turn on the radio and find a good song that you can tune into for the next few minutes? Be grateful that you’ve got that opportunity to have a fun and free 5 second singalong in the comfort of your own car. Bored at work in a position you feel absolutely nothing for? Think the great cafe you’ve got super easy access to for lunches, the fun friend you’ve made that sits next to you, the nice view from your desk (or maybe your boss’s desk that you get to see every time you chat to her), the great perk of driving past the ocean every day on the way to and from work… Whatever! We are so conditioned to think that happiness and purpose need to come from achieving something – that there is always an end result, and that is where the happiness comes from….. Does it surprise you that there is happiness and there is fulfillment in this very second, this very moment, right now? Look within. Feel THROUGHthe fear. Find that place in you that is so blown away by the magic of life – whether it be stroking your pet, enjoying a divine cuppa, or simply watching a ladybug. Life is feckin’ beautiful, peeps – always.We don’t NEED to be externally validated and motivated – turn inward, and find everything you need to feel good already there – you just need to access it! Then, from a place of fulfillment – you may turn outward if you like, and turn your attention to other things. But that gooey nice and warm filling from within first.
If you’re STILL lost (which is okay!) and don’t know how to find what it is that fulfills you, follow these steps.
Ask yourself these questions:
— What would you do for free, if an abundance of money was paid to you anyway, and you could spend your days doing whatever you wanted?
— What do you get lost in? What activity do you do, where time and or/everything else disappears and suddenly it is 5 hours later?! NO – social media scrolling does not count, LOL.
— What dream keeps coming back to you? What have you given up on because of fear?
As a final note…. GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE!
How are you ever going to know what fires you up if you don’t TRY anything? You don’t even need to go to the extremes of skydiving or bungy jumping or booking a one-way ticket to FindYourSelfistakazan (though you can if that all ignites your soul!). Sometimes all it takes is striking up a conversation with a stranger, taking a different route to work, ordering something different from your local cafe… It all snowballs from there.