The thing about fear, is that it does a really great job.
It flies through our veins when it feels a threat, and skyrockets our adrenalin to maximum heights, essentially to prepare us for a potential death.
When we lived as Cavemen, and a saber tooth lion approached our tribal home, this fear allowed us to jump into action, grab our spears, and run at the poor thing head on to protect our loved ones.
But, today, when we have guns, weapons, and seriously advanced warning systems that can tell us to watch out for everything from cholesterol levels creeping higher to an intruder on our property, our fear feels a little confused. It has a very important job to do, you know – it protects you from getting hurt. With less and less to be alert about, fear gets a little lost. Instead of saving our lives, it channels fear channels the energy toward our sense of self.
It says, “Stay here, where things are comfortable.” You know that things may not be amazing and great, but fear is right – at least you know it all, and you’re content there. You know what to expect. Fear tells you, “Stay where you are, because it is safe, and nothing can hurt you there.”
And that is probably true.
But if nothing can hurt you where you are, nothing can help or heal you where you are either. Nothing new can find you if you keep hiding in the same place.
Nothing can invite you to grow.
Nothing can take you on a journey to somewhere new.
Nothing filled with promise can reach you.
Because you’re protected by fear.
I lived a long part of my life in fear. I still do, when things are out of alignment - but I am aware of the signs now.
I lived in a way that pleased others, and wasn't me.
I lived in a way that I thought would get me 'liked', cool, and popular.
I lived in a way that I thought everyone wanted to me live in, and denied my own truth until I cried form the pain.
It is important to understand that fear is not a negative emotion. In fact, if we channel it correctly, fear can become our compass. It can be the tool that we use to show us where we need the most growth in our lives. It can show us what, EXACTLY, will take us from a comfortable existence to absolute joy and thrill in being able to call this life yours.
How many times can you think of, right now, that you have said ‘No’ to something (or someone!) because you felt scared? How many times have you turned down a massive opportunity because you doubted yourself or your abilities? Ever said ‘no’ to a date, because you were scared you weren’t good enough or that you would get hurt?
Well, fear certainly got a bonus at work on those days for doing his job so well!
FEAR is the thing that says NO to new.
FEAR is the thing that says NO to opportunity.
FEAR is the thing that says NO to anything that isn’t where you are right now.
Worrying about money. Worrying about your future. Not living in your own truth because you’re scared of what other people may think. Fear is doing what everyone else around you has always done because you’re worried about what might happen if you try it a different way.
The good news is that you don’t have to live with fear ruling your decisions, the way you live, and how you see your life.
So… How do we turn that fear into love?
How do we shift doubt, and turn it into belief?
We learn to work WITH our fear. We TRUST.
It is a process that can happen overnight, or it is a process that can take a while.
That time will pass anyway.
We begin to work with, and not against.
Here it is.
All over, you read about acting as if fear doesn't exist, and how you should do that to enable you to reach your goals.
BUT. The truth is.... we should never pretend that fear doesn’t exist. It does exist, and it always will, because it is part of a vital human function.
Let me give an example here.
Take a peek inside your ‘shit that scares the crap out of me’ box (you know, the one usually hidden away WAAAYY down at the back of the cupboard). Now, choose the thing out of there that scares you the least.
Let’s say, for argument sake, that you want to ask for a raise at work. You know you deserve it, because you have worked for your company for a good few years, you’ve taken hardly any sick leave, and you always show up as 100% your best self. Now, you’re beginning to feel like you’d like a financial recognition for your efforts.
Now – here’s how it works.
‘Oh, I’d like a raise… That’d be nice…’
Fear: You won’t get a raise. Really? What are you thinking? You’re good and all, but honestly you know that you won’t be granted one, so there’s no point in asking – seriously, you’d just make a fool of yourself and that would suck.
‘Ok.. No raise.’
Firstly, we acknowledge our fear.
“Hey, fear! Thanks so much for showing me where I need to look at how things are going in my life. I see you, I acknowledge you, and I thank you for what you’ve shown me.”
Now, imagine that you had an emotion called ‘YES’. And, this emotion called YES worked as hard as fear does. But instead of telling you all the reasons you can’t and you shouldn’t, YES tells you why you CAN.
What would it be saying to you?
How would it be making you feel?
‘Oh, I’d like a raise… That'd nice…’
YES: Oh WOW! I am SO happy that you’re finally doing this – It is something you’ve been thinking about for a really long time, you and your boss are on really good terms, plus you’ve just handed in that amazing report – you’re on fire! Wow! There is literally no better time to do this – you’ve got this! Think of all the great things that hard-earned dosh will bring in.’
AWESOME! A RAISE! LET'S GO!!
Before you read on, allow yourself to really feel this. To lean into what the above few sentences have made you feel, and the difference between them and the ones coming from fear.
Excited, confident, eager… right? Like you’ve really GOT THIS?
Now… which one would you rather listen to?
We often think that fear is the end of the line. Like there is no choice but to listen to it and get on with our lives in our comfort zones. But there is ALWAYS a choice.
You can choose every day to live a life that operates from fear. And you might be content there – you may be fine, with an ‘ok’ feeling in your heart. But you may know that there is so much more out there for you – whatever your heart is seeking.
Or, you can live a life that is determined by trust. Each day, the process of trusting that everything will work out in your favor WILL get easier. Start with small things, like speaking up when it is time, or even choosing a different breakfast option! Little things to rock you out of the comfortable chair you’re in will work wonders when it comes to making those really tough decisions, deciding if they will be from a place of fear or love.
I know what I choose.
I made a commitment to myself to choose love, abundance, trust and belief. To acknowledge the fear, the insecurity, and the doubt – but to use those flags as lights to show me where I need to work a little more.
No matter where you are in your life or on your journey, it is never, EVER too late to find the light that you’re longing for. We can’t grow if we live in fear.